Monday, August 18, 2014

Dating and Dairying. It doesn't always go according to plan.

If you’re looking for me on a typical night of the week, chances are you won’t find me out for a night on the town. Putting on your “go to town pants” requires a tremendous emotional investment, and quite frankly I don’t really feel like competing with a bunch of sass-mouthed teenagers for a table at a local eating establishment. Most evenings you’ll find me at home, drinking a glass of wine and shuffling around the house with a basket of laundry. If I get to watch Jeopardy and be in bed by 8:30, it’s been a great night. I realize I should probably make more of an attempt to be social (especially if I’m ever going to find a wife as my mother points out every time I join her and Dad for dinner) but when we’re as busy as we are around here, staying out late to listen to the whiny crap the people of my generation spew out of their cake compartments makes me feel more irritated than satisfied. Luckily I’m extremely blessed to have some very close friends in my life who keep me from becoming a cynical old man before my time (even though some of you may think I’ve arrived to that point based on this blog). 

I pretty much like calves more than people. Especially when they get out of their hutch after hours and are very excited to see you. 
I have been making an attempt to date a little more, even if it requires a bit of effort and it can be a drain on the wallet. A few weeks ago, I begrudgingly agreed to meet a girl one of my friends had set me up with. On paper, it seemed like we’d be pretty compatible. We were from similar backgrounds and had similar interests (namely a passion for the fermented grape), so she met my basic criteria. My friends talked her up to me and I was genuinely excited for the evening ahead. I rushed to get chores done so I could go home and scrub the dairy-related scents off myself and look presentable. I was just about to leave the house when I remembered there was a calf at the dairy I had meant to check on before I left.

I tried to assure myself that she would be fine until later, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that she probably needed treatment that evening and I had approximately ten minutes before I absolutely had to leave. Besides, as anyone who raises calves knows, things can turn south with a baby very quickly. I rushed over to the dairy and I could tell immediately the poor calf was feeling the effects of heat stress. She was panting and she hadn’t touched her free-choice water, and she was being treated for scours. I knew she was dehydrated so I mixed up a batch of LIFELINE Intervene - an electrolyte and serum protein product to give to her. I got the calf up and I was standing behind her pushing her from the inside of the hutch to the outside area of her pen when her stomach gave me a courteous warning gurgle telling me her bowels had received their final eviction notice. She began to violently release the meal she had enjoyed earlier and I stood back in the hutch waiting for the storm to pass when a pigeon flew in front of her pen and startled her. She reared back while still mid-bowel movement and I had nowhere to go. Her little rump-cannon was pointed right at my freshly starched jeans.  
The adorable culprit who soiled my jeans. 

Good news: I fed her a bottle of Intervene and checked on her later that evening. I could tell she had perked up a little bit and was feeling a little better. After a few days, she was back to 100%. Bad news: I didn’t have time to change my jeans. Luckily I had some dish soap and a scrub brush in the calf barn and I was able to get the majority of the stink off of my pants.  

I’m fairly sure my date could tell something was amiss with my scent, and I told her what happened. She laughed uncomfortably, and we enjoyed exactly 53 minutes of awkward conversation before I paid for the meal, gave her an weird hug while exchanging niceties and left. The gin and tonic I ordered was the best part of my evening. 

Unfortunately we can’t always have a concrete plan for our day when we do what we do. We can have a general idea, but it tends to change as the day goes by. The best thing we can do is be able to roll with the punches and have the tools on hand to be able to deal with the situations that arise. That’s why I’m glad to have LIFELINE products in my tool belt. They get the job done, they’re easy enough for a guy like me to figure out and they keep calves thriving. 

Maybe if I start interacting with people in public, I’ll strengthen my conversation tools and have better luck on first dates. Maybe I’ll save the poop talk until the second date. Yeah.... I probably won't though. Check out more about LIFELINE products here and as always, check out my Instagram account to keep updated on the babies of Jones Farms (@winesandbovines).  

1 comment:

  1. It can definitely be hard to get out and socialize when you are insanely busy on the farm. I know if I hadn't met my boy in college I would probably be single for another 10 years since getting up at 4 or 5am and coming home smelling like pig (even after showering out of barns) every day isn't exactly a turn-on for most people. As for your date? Well if she couldn't appreciate that you helped the adorable culprit feel better, then she wasn't worth your time anyway.